By Jordan Biere
Community Christian Church, Naperville, IL
We all want to be better parents.
I’ve never met a parent who didn’t want the best for their children. In fact, we all have big dreams for our children. Regardless of whether they’re in diapers or they’re about to get their diploma, we do what we can to shape the future trajectory of our kids and set them up for success in life.

We enroll them in music lessons, traveling sports, tutoring classes, and competitions, and inspire them to get better at their unique talents, celebrating them all along the way. That’s what we do as parents, and it’s one of the best parts of the job.

When it comes to enriching the lives of my children, my first thought was to teach them a skill, enroll them in a sport, or get them in private lessons until I met someone who did something so drastic and bold that it got me rethinking how we shape the future.

Kirsten was living the American dream: A six figure salary, married with two kids, and living in a city that receives rewards year after year for being the “best place to raise a family.” When her children were in the 3rd and 4th grades, she and her husband made a surprising decision to move to the much less affluent area of East Aurora. Here is her story in her own words.

We moved despite warnings from friends and family that we were sacrificing our children’s safety and education; not because we wanted to “save” East Aurora, but because we wanted to “save” ourselves and our children from materialism and economic/cultural segregation.

Today my eldest son was accepted into both Yale and Stanford despite attending schools where less than 40% of students meet state standards.

Both of my sons have thrived academically and learned life-lessons beyond anything they could have experienced in Naperville. We have been richly blessed by living in East Aurora.

While few will be called to relocate to an under-resourced neighborhood, we can all make engaging with the outcasts and marginalized of society a priority in our lives.

What now? The reality is that many of us may not move out of our neighborhood and into a poverty-stricken area, but we can engage. We can…
                Show compassion.
                Treat others with dignity.
                Be a voice for the powerless in society.
 
Anytime we contribute or serve, our kids’ worldviews expand. Our kids’ faith grows, their ​relational intelligence and awareness increases, and a seed of generosity is planted. And, the same happens for us.

Though they’d prefer to think otherwise, your teenager still watches you and follows your lead. If you model the way by making serving a priority, your children will be more inclined to make it a priority for themselves.

A quick Google search will present dozens of organizations in your town that do all of the hard work of coordinating service projects. They just need volunteers to help. This week, try finding one way to serve others in your community and make an appointment to do so. You could…
               
Volunteer at a local shelter.
                Organize a local food pantry.
                Help with a coat drive.
                Visit a nursing home.
                Hand out blankets to the homeless.
                Mentor children in schools.
                Become a respite foster family.
 
However you choose to serve, be honest with your teenager about it. Tell him or her why you chose to serve and how you felt about it afterward. In doing so, you’re modeling that caring for others is a big deal to your family. And, the next time you go, your teen might just say “yes” when you invite them to come along.

​©2016 The reThink Group, Inc. All rights reserved.

November 6th- Upside Down
November 13th- Upside Down
November 20th- Upside Down
November 27th- No HSM Sunday Nights

Chain Reaction — Fight for forgiveness for your family.
​When it comes to conflict, there are two parts to almost every single one: a reason and a response. Think about it. Your sister calls you a name (the reason) so you call her one back (the response). Your dad gives you an early curfew (the reason) so you give him the silent treatment (the response). The list goes on and on. Sometimes the reasons for conflict are good, and sometimes they’re just plain ridiculous. But while we can’t always control what causes the conflict, we can control the way we respond to it. Now we know that’s not always an easy thing to do, but the good news is we have a model to follow when it comes to conflict—God’s model! And as we look at the way God responded to conflict with those closest to Him, we’ll see that His move is going to be the best one we can make for not only families, but ourselves as well.

Reconnect with each other, share a high and a low from the past week.
​
​Why is it so easy to hold on to a grudge against family members?
Why do we often make excuses when we hurt family members, but refuse to believe excuses when they’ve hurt us?

How would you explain forgiveness to someone who had never heard of it?When you forgive your family, how does it help you?
Forgiven people forgive. How does knowing that you’ve been forgiven help you forgive others?
What’s keeping you from forgiving someone in your family? 
Name one family member from whom you can ask for forgiveness for something you’ve done to hurt them.

We all have a family. And while all families look different, there is one thing that they all have in common: conflict. When your little sister messes up your school project, when your big brother embarrasses you in front of your friends, when your mom or dad loses their temper at you over something that doesn’t seem like a big deal—all of these things are catalysts for conflict. And when they happen, our first instinct isn’t to try and make peace. If we’re being honest, we’d all probably admit that our first instinct is to fight back. To get even. To win. And while that might feel good at the time, eventually that feeling wears off and we’re back to where we started: with a tense and unresolved family conflict. There has to be a better solution than that, right? Jesus sure thought so! He taught His followers that the secret to finding peace in the middle of conflict was about more than seeing what the other person did wrong; it was about trying to see why they did it. And if we can embrace the move He tells us to make when it comes to our relationships, not only will the way we treat our family members change, but also maybe even the way they treat us.

Take some time to re-connect! Share a high and a low from your day or the last week.
What do you typically do when you don’t get your way with your family? 
Why does family conflict often feel more intense than conflict anywhere else in life? 
Beyond hurting each other’s feelings, what are some other reasons why trying to “get even” doesn’t work?

Luke 6:27-36 New International Version (NIV)
Love for Enemies
27 “But to you who are listening I say: Love your enemies, do good to those who hate you, 28 bless those who curse you, pray for those who mistreat you. 29 If someone slaps you on one cheek, turn to them the other also. If someone takes your coat, do not withhold your shirt from them. 30 Give to everyone who asks you, and if anyone takes what belongs to you, do not demand it back. 31 Do to others as you would have them do to you.
32 “If you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners love those who love them. 33 And if you do good to those who are good to you, what credit is that to you? Even sinners do that. 34 And if you lend to those from whom you expect repayment, what credit is that to you? Even sinners lend to sinners, expecting to be repaid in full.35 But love your enemies, do good to them, and lend to them without expecting to get anything back. Then your reward will be great, and you will be children of the Most High, because he is kind to the ungrateful and wicked. 36 Be merciful, just as your Father is merciful.

If someone else observed your life, how do you think they’d describe the way you treat each member of your family?
You’re not perfect either. If you remembered that during times of conflict with your family, how would it help you react better?
How do you want your family to respond to you when you mess up? What is one way you can do that very thing for your family this week when they hurt you? 
What do you think would happen if you treated your family the way you want to be treated? Be honest: there are no right or wrong answers.

​Almighty God our Father, your generous goodness comes to us new every day. By the work of your Spirit lead us to acknowledge your goodness, give thanks for your benefits, and serve you in willing obedience, through Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord. AMEN

Have you ever had a fight with your parents? If you have (and let’s be honest, who hasn’t?), then you know that there’s nothing more frustrating than arguing with your parents. No matter what move you make, they make a better one. And of course, they have the power to make the move that ends any and every argument: the “I’m the parent so I’m in charge” move. Talk about frustrating! What makes it even more difficult is that, although your parents are in charge, it doesn’t mean they’re always right or fair. And when we have to do what they say in spite of whether they’re right or fair, it can make us feel completely powerless. But what if we told you that you weren’t powerless? What if we told you there was a move you could make that, no matter if you agreed with your parents or not, would put a stop to the fight right then and there? In fact, it might even help stop problems before they start! Paul lays out this move for us in the book of Ephesians. In this book we’ll discover exactly what move we can make to establish more peace in our relationships with our parents.  

Take some time to re-connect! Share a high and a low from your day or the last week.
What’s the main thing that causes conflict and fighting between you (youth) and your parents? 
How do you typically respond to your family when they frustrate you?

Ephesians 6:1-3 
​6 Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. 2 “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise--3 “so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

Why is focusing on your response more effective than focusing on your
parents’ problems?
How would you define honoring your parents? Parents/guardians how would you define this?
How is honoring your parents and honoring God connected? 
What’s the #1 thing that needs to change in your relationship with your parents/guardians or stepparents? 
Name one thing you can each do to take responsibility for that change.

Benevolent, merciful God: When we are empty, fill us. When we are weak in faith, strengthen us. When we are cold in love, warm us, that with fervor we may love our neighbors and serve them for the sake of your Son, Jesus Christ, our Savior and Lord.