So how can we pay attention to—and support—the ways our kids are changing?

1. Make a list of ways your son or daughter is different now than they were a year or two ago. How do you feel about those changes? Which do you applaud? Which make you anxious? 
2. Talk to your child about (some or all of) your list, making sure you talk at least three times more about the changes you applaud than those that make you anxious. And in fact, start with the good stuff. We are all more open to critique if we have first felt affirmed and understood.
3. Ask your child two questions about what you’ve shared: What do you disagree with? And, what makes sense or feels right to you? In my experience with my own two teenagers, they are far more likely to agree with certain observations I’ve made if they first have a chance to express what they disagree with. 
4. Share with your child an area of your life that you hope can change. Invite your child to do the same. 
5. Pray that God will make that change a reality, just as He did so powerfully with Paul two thousand years ago. 

                                                       ©2016 The reThink Group, Inc. All rights reserved.

Own Worst Enemy — If you sow better, you’ll reap better. Have you ever been hurt by someone you love? Maybe they said some cruel words to you. Or maybe they did something that betrayed your trust. No matter what it was, when it happened, you probably wanted to separate from them for a little while. It’s normal to want to put a little distance between yourself and someone who’s making you unhappy. But what if we told you that the person who has the potential to make you unhappier than anyone else is the one person you can never get away from? What if we told you that person is you? Think about it. When it comes to things in your life that have brought you the most pain, unhappiness, and regret—things you said, things you did, people you dated, places you went—they all have on thing in common: you. You’re making choices now that ultimately have the potential to rob you of your happiness later. But thanks to Jesus, it doesn’t have to be this way. He gives us access to a life that not only saves us from unhappiness now, but will also lead us to even greater happiness down the road. As we close our series this week, we’ll see that we have the power to choose a life that makes us happy—a life with Christ.

Share a high and a low from the past week.
When were you the happiest?
​When were you unhappy?

If someone didn’t know what the phrase “You are your own worst enemy” meant, how would you explain it to them?
What are some ways you have damaged your own happiness without meaning to?  
In your opinion, what’s the difference between pleasure and happiness?  
What happens when you prioritize pleasure over happiness?  
What do you think it means to “reap what you sow”?  
Why do we need the help of people around us to choose happiness over pleasure? Why is a support system so powerful?  
​Describe the type of life you want. This week, what’s one way you could sow better in order to reap that type of life?

​The idea of being at peace sounds pretty appealing. Who doesn’t want to be at peace with themselves or with the people in their lives? Easier said than done, right? We all know we can’t just wave a magic wand and make all of our problems with ourselves and others disappear. It’s just not that simple. But if peace is directly related to happiness, it’s probably worth trying to figure out how to get it. Believe it or not, the Bible actually lays it out pretty clearly for us. Time and again, the stories in the Bible illustrate one big thing when it comes to peace: if we want to be at peace with ourselves or anyone else, we first have to be at peace with God. Peace with God lays the foundation for peace in every other aspect of our lives. And because of that, God makes peace with Him readily available to all of us. This week we’re looking to the New Testament to see exactly how peace with God is attainable for us today. And as we do, we’ll find that it comes from the one thing that has the power to change our lives forever.

Share a high and a low from the past week.

Do you agree that peace with God helps you have more peace with others and yourself? Why or why not? 
​In your life, how have you seen sin or bad choices destroy your peace?
Have you ever thought about the idea of being both a sinner and a saint? What does that tell you about the work of God’s grace in your life? 
Do you think much about doing things that bring “death” to others or yourself, why or why not? 
How do you feel about being made right with God through God’s love and grace in Christ? Does it change your day to day life?
If God were talking about God’s love for you right now, what do you think God would say? 
Name one thing that you feel like is blocking your peace with God right now. 
What’s one step you could take to move closer to God?

​We all love to have the newest and coolest stuff. The upgraded iPhone, the newest fashion trend, the fastest model car—we’d all like to get our hands on the latest and greatest things on the market. And when we see people who have all the things we want, it’s easy to convince ourselves that we’d be happier if we could have what they had. But we’re going to let you in on a secret: most of the people you know who have all the things you want aren’t as happy as you think you are. In fact, some of them may not be happy at all. That’s because there’s only one thing truly happy people really need, and it isn’t something you can really even see. That one thing is peace. Peace is what all truly happy people possess, and the good news is that it’s available to us, too! As we look this week at the book of Matthew, we’ll find that not only does Jesus want us to have peace in our lives, but He also tells us exactly what we can do to get there. And as we heed his advice to take our eyes off of the what and focus instead on the who, we’ll find ourselves beginning to be transformed by the peace that brings true happiness.

Share a high and a low from the past week!
What are some ways people typically search for happiness?
Imagine your life sixty years from now. When you look back on your teenage years, what do you think will be the reasons for your happiness? What about your unhappiness? 
God created you with the capacity for happiness. What does that tell you about God?

Think about times when you’ve had peace in your relationships with people close to you. What was happening? Why do you think you had peace with them in those moments? 
What do you think it practically looks like to have peace with yourself? 
When it comes to having more peace with God, self, or others, which area needs the most work for you right now? 
​Think of one person you want more peace with: name one way you can show love to them this week.

​What makes you happy? Or what would make you happy? That’s probably an easy question. Everyone’s got something. We all daydream about a trouble-free life made possible by something: a car, a house, a boyfriend/or girlfriend, a spring break trip, or just a pile of money. We all have something that could fill in the blank, I’d be happy if ________. And, we all spend time going after those things. Thinking about them. Hoping for them. Maybe even praying for them because, on some level or another, we all want to be happy. But isn’t it true that even when we get what we want, we aren’t happy for long? Pretty soon, we start daydreaming about something new. If happiness is the goal, why is it so hard to hang on to? And what do we do when the very things we think will make us happy end up making us miserable? In this series, we begin to ask the question, what makes you happy? And, one thing we’ll find is that Jesus cares a lot about our happiness. Not only that, we’ll discover where we find happiness may be in a different place than we ever thought—having to do less with a what, and more with a Who.

By Sandra Stanley
“Who in the world told my kids they could have a life of their own?” I remember regularly thinking this while our kids were teenagers. Just when we hit an awesome parenting stride (and by awesome I mean I was pretty much in control of their schedules and daily details, and made sure none of it actually conflicted with MY important plans), they started individuating and making plans of their own.

As parents, this is the season in our teenagers’ lives where we begin to battle two conflicting emotions: the urge to take back control and the desire to become buddies. Both usually originate from legitimate motives. For the former, we don’t want them to fail and we believe we hold the keys to preventing that. For the latter, we want them to like us during a chunk of years when they possibly won’t. Both are tempting. But ultimately, both are a disservice to them.

Since our kids are entering a new season of life, a new parenting approach has to be considered. For their sake, we need to loosen the tight reigns of the training years and move to the sidelines for coaching. Coaches don’t leave the field. They don’t get distracted with other stuff. They watch carefully, call some plays, and pull their players off of the field from time to time. They have no immediate goals of keeping their players happy. Mostly, they encourage their players to run the plays and respond to situations according to the training they’ve received.
Transitioning to the coaching role wasn’t intuitive for me. Disciplining and training had become ingrained. For me, the switch was easier when I began to think about it, and my kids, in terms of being for them. I wanted them to know, “I’m for your physical safety, I’m for your emotional health, I’m for your relational success, I’m for your mental and spiritual development, I’m for you making it to the end of these middle school years, or high school years, with as few regrets as possible. You’re the player, but I’m not afraid to pull you aside for tweaks, corrections, and sometimes sitting out a game. I’m for you. I know you can do this, and I’m here to help when you need it.”

Resisting the urge to control and not caving to the desire to prematurely make friendship a priority brings health to a family. Coaching our kids through those middle and high school years, in spite of a few regrets here and there, is the stuff rich relationships are made of later. In hindsight, I’ve been pleasantly surprised. My kids gaining “a life of their own” has truly broadened and enriched mine!